Do you have problems saying “No”?
Do you constantly do things for others but have a hard time letting people do things for you? If so, you might be a people pleaser.
People pleasers spend most of their days pleasing others. Many times they will hold back what their true feelings are to others because they do not want to disappoint others or make them angry. They tend to hang out with people that are not healthy for them, emotionally draining, and people that do not care for their well being. They often feel the need to make unhappy people happy at the expense of their own happiness. People pleasers have a hard time doing things for themselves and when they do they feel guilty.
Being a people pleaser can make you physically sick!
You might think that you are just a generous person and there is no harm in pleasing everyone. If you believe that you are wrong. It can effect your health both emotionally and physically! Since people pleasers spend much of their time practicing being compliant and avoiding conflict, their real feelings have nowhere to go but inward. By denying your true feelings and holding them inward they don’t go away, they just get buried beneath the surface. And that is dangerous and unhealthy. Beneath the surface they fester and eventually explode in some way either emotionally, or physically.
How do I stop being a people pleaser?
Being a people pleaser stems from fear. Fear that no one will like you, that someone will leave you, or that you will be left all alone if you don’t say the right thing. Are you being realistic about your fears? If you decide you do not want to go out with friends one night and you say “No” What is the worst thing that can realistically happen? They might be a little disappointed or upset but realistically if they no longer liked you or left the friendship because you did not want to go somewhere with them that is a little far fetched. So it is important to write down your fears and see how realistic they really are.
People pleasers often times base their self worth on how much they do for others. It is kind to do things for others but you should do them because you want to do them! Not because you feel obligated to do them. If you feel that you are doing things for others constantly out of obligation it gets exhausting and you build up resentment. Would you want someone to do something for you under those circumstances? Of course you would not! So hold your self to that same standard!
You have the right to say “No!” It is emotionally healthy for you to do so when you don’t wish to do something and there is no personally responsibility connected to it. There are things in life that you are obligated to do like work, parental responsibilities, and taking care of your health, so when you have the option to do or to not do something that is your option and your choice! Make sure you exercise your right to Choose! You deserve it!
“I don’t like compliments, and I don’t see why a man should think he is pleasing a woman enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that he doesn’t mean” – Oscar Wilde